Every group has one. You show her the dress and she says, "No." Not "maybe in a different colour". Just no. And she's right, which is the annoying part.
This is the friend who tells you the haircut was a mistake before the hairdresser's even swept up. The one who read his texts and said "he's not worth the data" a full six months before you worked it out. She's saved you from more bad decisions than your mother has. Please don't tell your mother.
So what do you buy her for Christmas? Not a candle. She'll tell you it smells like a dentist's waiting room.
Get her something that's as honest as she is
My prints are sayings I wrote for women exactly like her. They're short, a bit rude in places, and true in all of them. She'll laugh, then she'll hang it, then she'll quote it at you for years.
Have a nosy at the whole Christmas Gifts collection, but here's where I'd start.
My favourite: Wine… Knows Too Much
If I could only send one print out into the world, it would be Wine… Knows Too Much in Dark Glam. Gold on black, very moody, very bar cart. It was there for the divorce, the dreadful boyfriend and that weekend in Benidorm nobody mentions. It has never told a soul. Mainly because it's a bottle.
For the friend who pours you a large one without asking, and then tells you what she really thinks.
For the friend who's never been tactful in her life
Dead Inside. Still Hotter Than You in Bold Modern. Not nice. Not sorry. Very well moisturised. Strictly for friends with a strong sense of humour and a stronger skincare routine.
For the friend who says it out loud, and loudly
Laugh Too Loud, Steal the Show. She has been asked to keep it down in three restaurants, a library and one wedding. She regrets nothing. You can hear her coming before you've spotted her.
For the friend who's honest with herself, eventually
Heart Broke… Outfit Didn't in Editorial. She's had a proper cry, redone her mascara and decided the world can wait. Her love life may be in bits. The outfit is absolutely fabulous.
Or Sad… But Make It Expensive. Big sunglasses, good coat, small tragic latte.
For Christmas Day itself
Sip, Smile, Suppress… is Christmas Day with the in-laws in three words. Give it to the friend who'll be sitting next to you at the table, biting her tongue so hard it nearly comes off.
Mix and match (this is the clever bit)
You don't have to pick one. Mix and match any prints: buy 2 and save 10%, buy 3 and save 20%. The discount comes off automatically, no code needed. Different sayings, different styles, one for her and two "for her" that somehow end up on your own wall. I won't tell.
If you'd like the matching sorted for you, the sets of three are already put together.
And if you want the wrapping to say something too, there's Lipstick, Wine & Friends wrapping paper. Or the 2027 wall calendar, so she has twelve months of sayings to read out at you.
The sensible bits
- Every print is printed to order on museum-quality art paper, so it's made just for her.
- A4, A3 or 50 × 70 cm. Unframed from £17.99, or framed in black, white, natural or antique gold.
- Free UK tracked delivery.
- Everything's printed to order, so please don't leave it until the 23rd. Here are the last order dates for Christmas.
She'll open it, read it, look at you, and say, "Rude." Then she'll hang it somewhere everyone can see it. That's how you know you got it right.
Susan x
